


Hurt Me Once

by starrynightwrt



Category: Bumilangit Cinematic Universe, Gundala (2019)
Genre: Another quick write, M/M, i cant stop writing about them, i know i promise more domestic fluff but just bare with me, im sorry, nor do i want to, please, this is basically a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 22:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21043793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightwrt/pseuds/starrynightwrt
Summary: An adaptation of Ben Platt's song with the same title. Basically what happens when the fire between two people started to fade. Do you let go and chase for the next sign of happiness? Or do you stay knowing you're never gonna be as happy as you used to?Stream Ben Platt's album y'all, it's so good.





	Hurt Me Once

Getting into a relationship with Ghazul, Ganda knew firsthand what kind of situation he was signing up for.

Ghazul was not a particularly ‘warm’ person. He was cold and distant. He was quiet and he tend to speak in short and enigmatic sentences. But, he was like that for a reason. He built a wall around himself for a reason. And that wall wasn’t entirely unbreakable. Deep down, Ghazul was kind and compassionate. He paid attention to small details about other people, he, at the very least, was caring. Or so Ganda thought.

Ganda really thought that his relationship with Ghazul was different. He really thought that what they both had was special.

Ganda only vaguely remembered how everything first came about. He was pretty sure it involved a lot of alcohol and a series of bad decisions one night after a long day. It didn’t feel as much as mistake at that time. At that time, everything felt right, like pieces of puzzle falling into their perfect spot. It was awkward, no doubt. But it was also sweet and adorable.

As time went by, the ice between them started to melt. They had grown closer and learnt to open up to each other. Ganda somehow found comfort in Ghazul tight-up tendencies. While Ganda’s calm and composed manners had provided Ghazul some kind of a safe haven. By this time they had started going out more often, they went out to dinners, movies, even just wander around town in the middle of the night. No one else had been able to make Ganda feel things the way Ghazul does. Everything was, in a way, perfect.

But, what Ganda and Ghazul had was nowhere near perfect.

After a year, Ghazul had grown distant. He stopped doing all those little things that made Ganda felt like the luckiest man on earth. He stopped making an effort. Whatever it was that kept the fire between them ablaze, had faded. Ganda felt lost, like he was in a relationship with a stranger. Ganda felt like he no longer knew Ghazul. 

Ganda had gotten aware with all the red flags scattered around their relationship. Like how Ghazul started coming up with ridiculous reasons to avoid going on dates, or even worse, if he could actually make it to one of dates, he would bring some other friend along, spent the rest of the night talking to them, leaving Ganda out of the conversation. Or how he started taking long phone calls outside every time he and Ganda were together, as if he had something to hide.

At first he tried to dismiss this, telling series of increasingly obvious lies to himself and other people.  _ It was nothing, no need to worry,  _ he told himself. But, at the end of the day, he eventually questioned whether staying around was gonna worth all the pain he had to endure. He wanted to leave, because he didn’t want to be consumed with all sorts of hatred and resentment towards Ghazul. What they had, may not be perfect, but it was good. He didn't want their bad days to be blurred together with the good ones, he want to cherish them, those good day, however the relationship may end. But, he just couldn't bring himself to hurt Ghazul that way. Even though he knew that it wouldn't have made that much of a difference.

Ganda felt like an old man trapped inside an unhappy marriage, inside a wrong perception of the so-called happiness. He felt suffocated. He wanted Ghazul to notice the unfixable defects. He wanted Ghazul to stop humoring him what seemed like small acts of kindness, when the truth was, there was nothing kind about the series of lies and betrayals that Ghazul had put Ganda through. He wanted Ghazul to, if he had loved him at all, end it.

He wanted Ghazul to hurt him, in the most innocent sense,  _ once _ . He wanted Ghazul to get everything done, rip off the bandage; quick, and painful. He had no other choice but to plead, he didn’t want to suffer any longer.


End file.
